Simba, the Geriatric Goldfish

In the past 15 years we have had the occasional pleasure (ha ha) of being the proud owners of goldfish. I have never gone out of my way to afford my children the opportunity of being goldfish masters, however, local carnivals, and whimsical moments have allowed them that blessing.

Every fish that I have had in my home, both growing up and since marrying has not lived much longer than a week (I think). Most have left this earthly existence in a creative, though not intentional, manner. For instance, my dad was walking across the living room one day and touched the fish bowl. The electricity created from his shoes rubbing against the carpet created a shock when his hand touched the fish bowl that was sufficient to electricute the fish.

My next experience was over eating. One fish was given so much food and obviously needed a lap band surgery as it overate and promptly passed away in a swollen state, I think its intestines exploded.

My favorite experience, however, was when my sweet son was home sick and I thought he could be left alone in the house for about ten minutes. He thought the fish water was cold and thought he would warm it by putting the fish bowl, including the fish, in the microwave. I had this impression I needed to get home as soon as I arrived where I was going, so I promptly turned around and came home. I asked him if he was ok. He said tearily, "Mom, Fred is dead." My sister's name is Fredi, but I knew he was talking about the goldfish that Rochelle brought home from the Conejo Valley Days carnival. I felt sad for him, so I hugged him. He proceded to explain to me that he put him in the microwave for just a few seconds. I looked over, still hugging my son, and saw that Fred was actually folded in half from the experience. I started laughing so hard, but I did not want him to see me, so I held him tight. He thought I was crying from grief at the loss of this little creature, so he started crying. We held each other as I held in roaring laughter and he cried, thinking I was sobbing. I wasn't sure how to break the news to Rochelle, but as I arrived at school that day, I told her, "I am so sorry honey, but Fred is dead." "What?!" she replied? I repeated, "Fred is dead." She asked how and I had the painful experience of telling her that her brother put him in the microwave. She was angry, for a moment. Then she said, "Oh well, I guess we are having fish soup for dinner!"

About two weeks ago, a girl with dark curly hair was caught running away from our front porch. On the porch was a ziplock bag with water and a goldfish. The orange sticky note said, "Richie, my name is Simba, treat me well." Richie came up, looking perplexed and asked, "What do I do with this?" I told him that we have a history of fish not lasting much longer than a day or so. He offered to go ahead and flush it down the toilet, but that could be construed by PETA as cold blooded murder, so I told him to get the big glass bowl out of the cupboard and create a makeshift fish bowl. He did this, we added some distilled water we use for our steam mop and iron, then put Simba into the bowl. It was Saturday I believe, and we observe the Sabbath, so unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, no fish food was purchased. Richie got some marbles and put them in the bottom of the bowl and we expected that Simba might enter paradise during the night.

News for goldfish owners, believe it or not, Simba has lived for almost two weeks in our home. I am shocked and amazed. I couldn't understand how this fish could survive without food, UNTIL, my children informed me that they have been feeding the fish, of all things, CHEERIOS...yes, it's true, Simba has been surviving on Cheerios. It is whole grain, and not a lot of sugar, and I hear it is good for your heart, so I think I will have to switch my diet to Cheerios to see if I can outlive my life expectancy!

Life and Death

Life is good right now. Blair and I are employed. Rochelle is in Mexico learning and growing. Richie is growing up and learning that responsibility takes time and is hard, but you can't play forever. Nickie is getting more and more beautiful each day. Maddie is growing taller and working hard on bball. Carly is 1/3 of the way through the summer and getting ready for burn camp.

My mother passed away on June 2, one month ago. The whole experience has been fascinating to me. That may seem odd to some, but it is really my first experience in such a personal passing. I love my mother. She was my closest confidant. She was always there. She listened, she advised, she encouraged. I called her almost every day. If I didn't she wondered what was going on in my life. I loved to talk to her. I miss that, but now I call my dad.

My mom was sick for years. She endured it well. I could tell from each phone call how her day was. She wanted to die several times. Last summer she nearly left us. It appeared she stroked and then stroked again. She was in a neuro ICU. We were told by the neurologist that she was sorry but there was nothing more to do. I went in and held her hand and prayed to Heavenly Father to take her. I told him she would not want to live without her ability to communicate her bubbly personality that cheered and built many lives. I learned much that early morning last summer when I heard so clearly, "There are more lives involved here than hers." A few hours when I went back into her room she said, "Stephanie." If she had stroked, she had been miraculously saved. No medical person has been able to explain to us what happened. They don't need to. I know. There are more lives involved here than hers.

So, about a month ago I wrote Blair an email and told him I think she is going to pass on very soon. He told me to go visit her. So, I did. I spent Friday, May 22nd in the evening with her. I told my sister Fredi on Sunday, May 24 how I felt. She said she wished she had gone to see her, so I said, "Let's go." So we went and spent Sunday evening with her. Then on Memorial Day, May 25, 2009 Blair and our kids went to take Dad and her a Memorial Day BBQ and spend time with them. We ate and talked, my kids visited with her. I rubbed her feet and tried to rub her shoulders knowing in my heart that this could be the last time.

That Thursday evening she could not take the pain any longer and had Dad take her to LDS Hospital. I got a call early Friday morning that she had gone in and they were checking her out. It turns out that she had a blocked intestine, and I am guessing from her not wanting to eat for a week or more that this had been going on for sometime. They gave her some treatments including a tube down her throat then after a day gave her three options - we can do invasive treatments, we can operate, or we can put you on hospice with a morphine drip and let you pass away pain free. They advised that all three would likely end the same, with death. She chose hospice and Dad concurred. This was the end.

I went to the hospital early Saturday morning and spent the day. I took Rochelle, Nickie and Maddie. We held her hand, the girls sang to her. They started with "A Child's Prayer" which says,

"Heavenly Father, are you really there? And do you hear and answer ev’ry child’s prayer? Some say that heaven is far away, But I feel it close around me as I pray. Heavenly Father, I remember now something that Jesus told disciples long ago: “Suffer the children to come to me.”Father, in prayer I’m coming now to thee.

Pray, he is there; Speak, he is list’ning. You are his child; His love now surrounds you. He hears your prayer; He loves the children. Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav’n."

The thought of Him being near and suffering the children to come to Him made my girls realize He is there and their Grandma would be going to be with Him again. They cried and smiled and cried.

They sang some more and then...she asked the tough one, "Sing 'God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again." They sang and cried and Grandma smiled.

We went home, then Sunday morning, May 31, Nicole and I went up to spend the day with Grandma. Dad and I went to Sacrament Meeting at the hospital. That was nice to partake of the sacrament and remember the covenants I made at baptism and think of my mother and her great committment to the keeping the covenants and honoring the Lord.

Nickie and I ended up staying from early Sunday until early evening on Monday. This was some of the sweetest moments of my life to be able to nurture my Mother to death. I know that sounds weird, but it was a lovely time. The morphine drip was put in on Saturday afternoon. My mom was giving up the pain that ruled her life for so many years. Many came to visit. Blair brought our children and his brother Brian after church. They sang and almost all the family came and we had a family prayer at my request, so Dad asked me to give it. I wasn't sure I could, but I did and it was good. What a marvelous family we have. What a great posterity Mother left.

That evening Nickie and I stayed with Mom. She slept on the cot for the first four hours and I sat in the chair by Mom. I held her hand and stroked her forehead and just loved her. Then Nickie woke up and traded me places for a couple hours. Mom was resting peacefully. She wanted to go home to die, I wanted her to die in the hospital so that I wouldn't have to think of her dying at home.

Monday came and around 4:00 in the afternoon we took my sweet mother from the hospital to her home. I rode with the transport team and mom in the hospital. It was odd, but then again not, to be in a shell of an ambulance. I guess all normal ambulances are meant to save lives and they need a lot of equipment. A hospice transport just needs a lock for the gurney. As soon as we got to their condo and opened the back of the ambulance, the sweetest feeling came over me. I knew it was right to bring Mom home to graduate to the next life. It was a beautiful day and I knew this was her last time to be in the fresh air. It was a lovely moment.

We took her in and lifted her and put her in her chair. Hospice came and made sure her morphine drip was working. They left and here was my sweet mother in her favorite spot - the recliner chair that had been her home for such a long time. I knew this was where she would complete her mortal life. We stayed and visited for a bit, then Nickie and I came home.

I wanted to be with my mom when she passed away. I am not sure why, whether it was because you read in obituaries about someone passing surrounded by their loved ones. But, I had a family at home that needed me to come home and I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so I came home. I called a couple times that night.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009 I went to work at 7 am. I left work for the doctor's at 9:00. It was not a fun visit, some things weren't right. I told him to give me some time as my mother was dying. I came back to work and called dad around 10:30. He told me to listen to mom's breathing. It was the death breathing I have heard about. Nineteen minutes later my wonderful mother left her mortal life and returned to her Father in Heaven. My dad's wish was to feel her last heartbeat. He put his hand on her chest and felt a breath and a heart beat, then nothing. His wish was realized and I am sure so was my mom's.

My brother Rick called and told me. I was choked up for a minute, but did not cry. I left work and went to see Mom before the mortuary came to take her. As I walked in and saw her there on that chair I thought I would cry, but I was joyous to see the pain gone and to know her spirit was free from years of pain. I have been happy and have not yet cried for I know without any doubt that there is a life after this life, that we have a purpose in this world and that it is a mortal probation. I know that because of the atonement of Jesus Christ that we will live again and that life is eternal and will go on. I know my mother is in a better place, paradise, as she awaits the events of eternity that are yet to come. I know, so I am at peace.