Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Defensive Mothering

Pretty much from the time I can remember I wanted to be a Mom. Later in life the thought of marriage became more desirable, but even as a child I wanted to be a mom. I would like to think that I am a great mom, but I think that I am somewhat immature. For some reason I tend to be stuck at age 18 emotionally and sometimes I act that way.

The main thought of my behavior that is bothering me today is that I take anything facing my children so personally and my immediate thought reaction, and sadly, yes, sometimes my behavioral reaction, is that of an 18 year old.

When someone says or does something that offends one of my own, I get defensive. If someone brags about their child or shares some truly great noteworthy accomplishment, I tend to be more jealous than happy for their child. I will think things like, "My kid could do that." "Well, if given the same opportunity, my kid would whoop your kid." Sheez! What an immature approach to sharing parental joys.

It's been one year almost since Richie left for his mission, and this experience has been so helpful for me. I share Richie's letters with family and friends and the parents of Richie's high school friends who are also serving. Likewise they share their letters with me. For the first time in my parenting career, I am feeling great joy in the successes of other people's children and not having the immature, jealous feelings I usually have. When one of his friends has a baptism I rejoice! When they share an experience that shows the strength of their testimony or the fruits of their labors, I am as happy as if it had been one of my own children sharing that experience.


Some of Richie's High School friends who are now out serving missions

I would like to say that I have adapted this same mature attitude with all of my parenting opportunities, but alas, last night one of my sweet daughter's was hurt by her friends and instead of taking a mature attitude about it I seriously wanted to call them or show up on their doorstep and yell and scream and rant and rave and possibly trip and accidentally punch them in the face on my way down!

Oh well, one step at a time!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Missing my Mom

Well, it's almost three years now that my mom passed away. When times have been tough in my life I would call my mom. I can't do that anymore and sometimes I feel so helpless and wish I could just call my mom or go see her and have her hold me. I was feeling that way today. For some reason I looked at one of my extended family websites and saw this picture of my mom holding me when I was two months old and for some reason it brought me comfort knowing my mom would always hold me when I needed it and for a few short moments I felt Mom holding me again.


Picture from May of 1957 of my sister Fredi, brother Rick, Mom and baby me!